


If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? {If our love is insanity, why are you my clarity?}

by Fake_Brit



Category: Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Dual POV, F/M, Post S3, movie, movie spoilers (One can never be too careful)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 19:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2744855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fake_Brit/pseuds/Fake_Brit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Post S3; Pre&during movie. Logan/ Veronica, Veronica/Piz, Logan/Carrie]<br/><i> "Her throat constricts just by thinking of him at fourteen." </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? {If our love is insanity, why are you my clarity?}

**Author's Note:**

> For Vev, who convinced me to finally watch and fall in love. Love you baby

She leaves.

It hurts too much. She feels weighted down to the point where she can’t breathe. 

She tastes nothing but anger – thick as a brick, hungry for space – and it is swallowing her whole.

(It is bitter, and she’s had enough bitter things to deal with in nineteen years.

Lily – loss, loss so deep she still feels like suffocating sometimes.

Her mom leaving – that’s when the anger began hardening her. _Don’t show it. Don’t show it. Breathe. It’s not worth it_.

Duncan breaking up with her shortly thereafter – thestraw that shattered her heart despite how hard she’d been trying to patch it up and keep the bleeding in check at the time.

And of course, amidst all that crap Karma had thrown at herin one bloody year just for the fun of trying to make her bend and beg – which she, naturally, did not. Because Veronica Mars does beg. E v e r – there was him. The one guy she had befriended without really thinking it through but ended up valuingnonetheless, although they bickered every other day.

Logan Echolls.With his bloody jokes that made her blush and his goddamn annoying desire to charm anything even remotely capable of fueling his ego in return)

Her throat constricts just by thinking of him at fourteen.

It aches when she thinks of him at sixteen, angry and lost and broken.

The ache pulses through her when she pictures him at seventeen, poisoned by betrayal and so, so shattered by loss. Hers, this time.

It keeps going lower and lower, until it reaches her sternum and she sees him at eighteen, reverent and in love, and scared out of his fucking mind as he takes the gun away from her and, later, as he holds her through yet another heartbreak, his hands anchoring her to him with strong tenderness, his voice mending her wound. Her heart breaks all over again, soundlessly, and what is left of it cuts mercilessly through her body.

_ Godbloodydamnit. _

“ _Our story is epic_ ,” he’d said, his hot breath thick with alcohol covering her bare neck as they danced. “ _Spanning years and continents, lives ruined, bloodshed._ ” There had been a pause then. Filled to the brim with fear and want and warmth and, for everything holy she knows in this word, so much _need_. Need of him, of _them_ , of someone who wasn’t after something that would never come back, of someone that wanted her no matter whatever messed up freak she’d come to be. 

She releases a long breath through her nostrils and feels that her ribs actually hurt like _hell_ while doing so. _Damn you, Logan._

Epic isn’t all that’s cracked up to be, really. It sucks you in and burns you down to ashes.

And it leaves you so hollow that you wonder whether or not you are gonna be left standing in the wake of the hurricane it unlashes. 

_ (She’s like a ghost and it’s his fault.) _

-:-

He finds out she’s gone almost by accident.

That’s it, he thinks sourly. She had the chance to break me and she took it.

He feels like punching and kicking and hitting and biting, but he thinks, _no.I’m not gonna give her the opportunity to shush that part of her which objects her choice._

He puts a stop to the wild drinking – courtesy of Dick, without whom, he muses, he’d not have gotten to the point where a beer, even the finest one he can afford, tastes like cow piss and makes his stomach churn and creak like an old wooden door – and the sleepless nights spent staring at the ceiling with her face and her voice and _just her, always her_ being summoned up by his own traitorous memories just because he’s a bloody angsty to-the-bones teenaged fuck up.

He puts a stop to the whole thing, dragging his rich ass to class even – _especially_ – when he feels like sinking to the damn floor because _she’s not there for fuck’s sake._

Logan Echolls gets back on his feet – “About freaking time, man,” Dick declares with a vigorous pat on his left shoulder.

( _And yet, she still haunts him whenever he tries to move on. Blonde. Petite. His. Gone.)_

-:-

She majors in Psychology for no valid reason at all. 

There is a reason, she hisses at herself one day, as she grumbles at her roommate, – Sasha, a really nice girl from Florida, who is in charge of the mandatory morning cup of coffee – “Are you gonna get that pot going or am I gonna have to die and haunt you for my suicidal tendencies at 7:00 AM?” 

Her Psychology teacher is a shark. Chipper as if it were Christmas morning while discussing human behavior, yet ready to bite and kill as soon as he noticed a student slacking.

_ She hates him. _

“My, my,” Sasha sings at her, as she makes her way to the room and keeps the coffee tray balanced on her right arm. “Is someone _dying_ to get to Taylor’s class this morning,”

Veronica tastes her coffee and doesn’t answer. _You have no idea, Sash._

_ Consequences of child abuse. Yawoza me. _

Her stomach tenses, unwillingly. Try as she might – and she has been trying with capital T – every time her brain ventures there, be it for her studies or some as-creepy-as-they-get-in-the-life-of-Veronica-Mars trip down memory lane – which, as much as she tries to avoid and cast away and forget there even is a memory lane to go down to because it is too much now and it will be too much in thirty years, happen every now and then – she always ends up _there_.

Logan being a jackass. Logan taking and delivering angry punches. Logan licking his wounds and hiding them at the same time, covering every last one of them with anger and snark and nonchalance.

( _Logan loving her and breaking her and patching her back together)_

_ Logan. _

_ Logan. _

_ L o g a n. _

_ (She drops her half-full coffee mug on the table and runs out of the room, as though a fire were chasing her heels) _

-:-

He joins the Navy because he hears that it helps anger issues.

He dates Carrie – _Bonnie_ , she always scowls at him. _It’s Bonnie now, Lieutenant_ \- because it’s like going back to a time where he thought nothing could shake him or destroy him like _she has_.

He stops thinking about epicness and focuses on staying alive and making it past each day, each task ( _Each night_ ) one at a time.

Logan Echolls finally learns to live an breath solo.

( _And then, it all gets screwed because, well, that seems to be his spot to fulfill in the universe: the one that gets screwed up and over time and time again. But for now, his lungs don’t ache when he thinks about her. Although naming her, seeing her memory, would still crack him open)_

-:-

She has no idea when or how she starts dating Piz. It just happens. Once they run into each other and get a coffee on a cloudy, grim day it just sort of… Becomes a thing.

He smiles at her and she smiles back. God she hasn’t felt so natural in so long.

When he kisses her – both the first time and later ones – there is no impulse to jump out of her skin and hold onto him as one would hold onto life, none at all. 

His spark is a quiet hum that spreads steadily through her the first time they have sex and makes her feel content and belonging and safe.

( _Her smile is a shadow, though. She dismisses it. That’s what happiness feels like – or ought to, she wonders for the shortest second – she reasons)_

-:-

She throws herself into Law School, cramming definitions and felonies and penalties and history in her head.

She an Piz move in together and her life looks like a practically completed puzzle, with friends, love and her dream job a couple of steps away.

She smiles more and more, because she feels closer and yet far away from High School Veronica and College Veronica and that gives her an odd sense of rightfulness.

She doesn’t think of him, these days. She hasn’t for quite a while, if she is going to be honest with herself.

(And she is, because he deserves as much. Honesty has always been important to him)

She hopes he’s happy.

_ So does he, as he flies up in the sky and the nostalgia doesn’t seem quite as overwhelming as down on Earth. _

-:-

Her phone rings. She looks at the screen and nearly pinches herself because this can’t be.

Logan is calling her. _Logan Echolls is calling her._ Something bubbles inside of her, a second before she decides to get up and take the call and face him, _finally._

_ (Excitement, maybe? Nerves?  _ Nope, she decides as she breathes before speaking, albeit unconsciously,after all it’s been n i n e y e a r s. _It’s that feeling Logan has always given her, what’s it called? Ah, yes. Coming home.)_

“So,what’s new with you?”

-:-

“I need your help, Veronica,” he whispers into the phone still not quite believing she has really picked up the phone.

She protests, but eventually she does come. _Like always._

_ (And his faith in her grows and grows and grows) _

-:-

As she stares at Logan – bruised, bloody, wild, protective Logan – she realises Piz was wrong. Oh, so very much.

_ Lovers are warriors. _

And she shows the Lieutenant what a warrior she is, again. Without fears covering her, this time.

It’s teeth chewing, tongues caressing, lips curving. It’s moans and pleas and grins and smirks.

_ It’s belonging. It’s epic. And it gives her life and sets her on fire. _

_ (“What’s a hundred-and-eighty days, Veronica?” He asks, voice tender and hopeful. _

_ It’s how brave she’s gonna be. _

_ “Come back to me,” she utters, staring at him as if to press him into her memory. “I love you,” her eyes whisper. _

_ “Always,” he vows. She believes him.) _

__

 

 

__

__

 

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?


End file.
